The past couple of months have been a time of vast realization for me, the most recent realization coming as a result of an event so devastating that I would never wish this experience upon anyone, even my worst adversary. I’m having nights of minimal sleep with images flashing through my head. The sound of automobile engines, voices, walls popping, squeaks from my ceiling fan, all constantly startling me awake. My mind has never been eased enough to where sounds can wake me in a gentle manner. The holler of my name has startled me awake in the past, but never the tone of a text message or the sound of a dog barking in the distance. This is the result of the instability of my mind lately. Ambient sounds have never really kept me awake at night. I�ve never felt this way before.

It is no surprise to me how I’ve managed to deal with this situation. I have improved my conduct drastically. I will definitely be far less reckless with my behavior than I have been in the past. I will strive to better myself for as long as I live and learn to live with myself in time. Somebody very important to me once taught me that I cannot expect people to accept who I am unless I can fully accept myself for who I am, and only then is the beginning of the battle for acceptance, but without accepting myself I stand no chance of acceptance. I am going crazy right now trying to figure out my life and my purpose in life. I want to excel in every way possible. Be the best son, brother, friends, and, one day, father than I can possibly be. Only then will I recognize, appreciate, and respect my person.

I veered off my plane of logic. I need sleep�however I can achieve it.